Your friends tell you everything and you, too, often share the even the tiniest detail of your relationships with them. But all that sharing isn't necessarily a good thing.
Sometimes friendships aren't so friendly to your romances. The hidden dangers:
Comparisons
After hearing your best friend recount the sordid details of his latest tryst or how your best girlfriend's new boyfriend surprised her with tickets to Tahiti, it's hard not to suddenly notice what your relationship lacks.
Paying attention to what particular stories set off your envy - are you jealous of their sexual escapes or of the super-closeness they share? - can help you pinpoint what you need to work on in your own relationship. But don't let couple-envy consume you. For every wildly romantic story your friend shares, remind yourself of just what it is about your sweetie that makes you swoon.
Over Analysis
When you and your honey were dating is was okay to share all the details of your courtship with your friends as you tried to figure out if you were right for each other. But once you've got a serious thing going, it's not only disrespectful to reveal every little problem, it's damaging.
"If you're really going to form a partnership with someone, you need to let go of the man or woman-bashing and really trust that one person," says Anne Rambo, associate professor of child and family therapy at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
That doesn't mean you have to stop soliciting your friends for advice. But here's a trick. Next time you're tempted to confide a confidence, imagine you're talking to your partner's best friend. Then you'll avoid the unnecessary complaining and stick to problem-solving.
Taking Too Much Advice
It's good to get a little perspective on your problems. The trouble starts when you take to turning to your pals every time you've got any kind of snag with your sweetie. Your friends may be helpful, but they're not professionals and should never be relied on as such.
Your dependence on outsiders for guidance may keep you from working on solving your problems yourself.
Sometimes friendships aren't so friendly to your romances. The hidden dangers:
Comparisons
After hearing your best friend recount the sordid details of his latest tryst or how your best girlfriend's new boyfriend surprised her with tickets to Tahiti, it's hard not to suddenly notice what your relationship lacks.
Paying attention to what particular stories set off your envy - are you jealous of their sexual escapes or of the super-closeness they share? - can help you pinpoint what you need to work on in your own relationship. But don't let couple-envy consume you. For every wildly romantic story your friend shares, remind yourself of just what it is about your sweetie that makes you swoon.
Over Analysis
When you and your honey were dating is was okay to share all the details of your courtship with your friends as you tried to figure out if you were right for each other. But once you've got a serious thing going, it's not only disrespectful to reveal every little problem, it's damaging.
"If you're really going to form a partnership with someone, you need to let go of the man or woman-bashing and really trust that one person," says Anne Rambo, associate professor of child and family therapy at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
That doesn't mean you have to stop soliciting your friends for advice. But here's a trick. Next time you're tempted to confide a confidence, imagine you're talking to your partner's best friend. Then you'll avoid the unnecessary complaining and stick to problem-solving.
Taking Too Much Advice
It's good to get a little perspective on your problems. The trouble starts when you take to turning to your pals every time you've got any kind of snag with your sweetie. Your friends may be helpful, but they're not professionals and should never be relied on as such.
Your dependence on outsiders for guidance may keep you from working on solving your problems yourself.
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment
You say what you gotta say